Barely Legal


18 -- the Legal Age. Awesome!

What does a girl want on her 18th birthday?
Debut. Debut. Debut.

I want one. and I hope I could get one! :(


My Fantasy Debut

Theme: Sweet & Innocent
Venue: McDonald's or University Hotel
Outfit: Sweet & Innocent Bright Semi-Formal
[Girls in Perky Dresses & Guys in Chuck Bass type of outfit]
[White & Black not allowed]

18 Tops (Boys)
1. Dad
2. Joshua Del Rosario
3. Justin Borja
4. Ringo Chan
5. Jonathan Pacheco
6. Carlo Vito
7. Ben Yeo
8. Dom Nunez
9. Russel Ducat
10. Raph Bringas
11. Lawrence Dapon
12. Lenny
13. Adrian Limpin
14. Paolo Rivera
15. Ziggy Savella
16. Diwa Dela Pena
17. Kyle Banaynal
18. Grandpa Carlo

18 Bottoms (Girls)
1. Jaenna Baliton
2. Denice Carino
3. Ayla
4. Queenie Tan
5. Jona Aldeguer
6. Sarah Mejia
7. Pia Inserto
8. Karen Hugo
9. Ella Bueno
10. Mamot Ramos
11. Cahr Abanador
12. Aline Morada
13. Joan Boyles
14. Izra Managuit
15. Kathy Domingo
16. Laya Dela Pena
17. Jerrica Gazmen
18. Laraine Gazmen

18 Syndromes
1. Keith [ 1st Impression ]
2. Yohann Pineda [ Second Thought ]
3. Karen Gazmen [ Three Blind Mice ] -- Something I do that I dont notice
4. Pong [ Four Cores ] -- Principles in Life
5. Abigail Del Mundo [ Five Hives ] - Hangout Spots
6. Pet [ Six Pics ] - Poses or Smiles in the Camera
7. Ramo [ Seventh Heaven ] - Awesome Traits & Good Deeds
8. Astrid Dominguez [ Eight Ate ] - Favorite Snacks
9. Kashka Gazmen [ Nineth Wine ] - The Wine for Me
10. Kyle Banaynal & Kailey Gazmen [ Ben Ten ] - Objectification
11. Marita Domingez
12. Karla Navarro
13. Zuluaga Gazmens
14. Navarro Banaynals
15. Navarro Dela Penas
16. Gazmen Grandparents
17. Navarro Grandparents
18. Dad

Musics - My Mashups in Laptop
Lights - Colorful
Surrounding - Sweet & Innocent
Special Numbers - Dance Performance [ WD4J & FFC ]

I guess that's all what I can think of, atm.
I wish I could have a special video of myself. LOOOL
and a SECRET Video from my friends
and SURPRISE Video from Online Friends. bwahahaha

Anyways. I really really wish this could continue

Mommy, please help me on this.
LOL I really wanted Mcdo in your memories. I MISS YOU!!! :)

well, the Begetter gave me 2k bucks.
Why? Well, no occassion. So, ionno.
Got shocked when he gave me cash. LOOL


He's been good these days.
HE bought me chocolate.
and literally made me eat it last night Hahaha



I watched "A Little Princess" last night.
a story of a daughter and a father.
Familiar?

I hope my begetter would soon be like his old self.
Just like the Movies. :|

Though hopes are gone and dreams are lost.
I still wish for it.



I'M ALMOST LEGAL! 18 YEARS OLD, Here I come!! :) 

I hope my debut would continue.
I would really love for it to come true.
Though, I'm guessing it wouldn't.
I'd be reaaally sad if it won't.
Really really sad.

I've been luckless these days.
Last days of being minor and still being the same ole luckless self.

My crushes have their girls. DAMMIT! Hahaha
Yeah, I like them. What do you care! :))

So yeah, I've been out of new crushes these days.
They're my old crushes. No new boys I like.
THOUGH THEY'RE TAKEN! And I'm hurt. :(
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL


Anyways, MY 18th BIRTHDAY IS NEAR!
I DONT HAVE PLANS FOR MY DEBUT YET!
AND MY LIFE IS A MESS!
I HATE IT! I HATE IT SO MUCH I WOULD JUST LIKE MY MOOOMMMY!!!!!!!!

iHate - they Judge 
someday, iLaugh - they Regret 
in the end, iStand Tall - they LookUp



FUCK those people who judge me. 
From friends to high school teachers to grandparents to aunts to uncles to cousins. 

That high school teacher --- fuck you! you judge me like you can live life.
you tell my classmates not to be like me? FUCK YOU! nobody doesnt wanna be like you!
Those grandparents?! Dammit! very annoying.
Right now at this minute my grandma is very very noisy! giving sermons and shit that isnt true?! 
Aunts, Uncles, Cousins --- backstabbing family. I dont need you.
I will prosper than you!!!


I'm really glad i have my sisters.
They back me up on things.
They back me up on everything.
i Love them <3
They're the only people i trust.

iDream for a better life.
iDream for hunger wouldn't exist within my family.
iDream for my sisters to be materialy happy.
iDream for undoubtful life.
iDream for success.
iDream for my own home together with my sisters.
iDream for a car that my sisters and I would have a hard time commuting.
iDream for a kitchen where i could experiment and continue my mom's skills.
iDream for a monthly shopping aka bonding with my sisters.
iDream for my mom's dreams to be fulfilled.
iDream for my sisters not to be in difficulty.
iDream for supplification to those who supported me and my sisters.
iDream for my grandparents feeling of proudness towards the job I took.
iDream for helping people with their problems.
iDream for sharing generosity and hope.
iDream for my business to be successful within months.
iDream for having a big network of duplication.
iDream for a financial-problem-free life.
iDream for making life as light as it could get for me and my sisters.
iDream for happiness. Money cant buy happiness though money can buy things which can make people happy.
iDream for a better life.
iDream for a change.
iDream for a better me.
iDream for laziness to escape me.
iDream for pay-ins.
iDream for opportunities available for people in need.
iDream for open-minded people.
iDream for attraction to people to be in my network.
iDream for a position of being a top earner someday.
iDream for a changed life.
iDream for making those people who mocked me to look up to me.
iDream for revenge. Not in a bad way but to let the people see how successful I am.
iDream for words told about me to be regretted.
iDream for poverty to be vanished away.
iDream for dreams to come true. :)



iDream for more dreams,
theDaughter

It's the first time i dreamt about my mom. :)

Well, I dreamt about her indirectly though.
I dreamt that I was with this old dying lady with her caregiver.
By the time she was about to die,
I told her to tell my mom that I Miss Her and I Love Her.
the old lady weirdly said that "I didnt knew that."
Then I was like this baby crying out for my mom.
I was like a little girl having tantrums that I wanted my mommy.

Then I woke up.
I woke up crying.
I never knew that would be possible.
And yet I have done it for the first time in my life.
When I woke up, tears were there already.



I guess with all the struggles I'm currently facing in my life right now..
All I need is my mother's sweet caress.
Yet I cant get that care I would like to have.
Sometimes I just wish that I wanna be with her.


Well, so much for sharing how much I miss my mommy.
Now to torture dad's girl. Kidding :>



Take care & Stay safe,
theDaughter

 

It's weird. Very much weird.

When my mom was still living, she always mentioned how important it is to respect my dad. I must give him space and time. He is the bread winner of the family so we must do whatever he says. He wouldn't say anything to hurt me or my family. He gives us our needs and wants that made our living a life.

Though nowadays, I've been standing up to myself. I ignore him. That I didn't see coming. I used to respect him 100% when I was a child. I used to look up to him. But nowadays, I am really a tough girl being very hard-headed towards my dad.


But hey! He ain't a bread winner anymore. He's jobless. I dont believe him that he is currently building a business. If it's true, why haven't I seen any papers about the business or why haven't I heard ANYTHING about the business from him. He doesn't explain or anything. It's really doubtful. I doubt my dad.


I just really want to point out that I have changed. My attitude towards my dad have changed. Which I personally think that it's good. Hey! He isn't supplying anything for me or for my sisters. We get money from our grandparents and aunties and uncles. Life is hard, I know. Sometimes I just want to give up. But I wont. I wont leave my sisters suffering just because of the stupidity that my dad has made and is making. Sheesh! What a "DAD"!!!!!!!




Though my so-called "dad" is making a new life which seems like I'm not part of it anymore...
I have these two boys I really adore.




One is this guy who I think is really cool to be with. I love him for his personality. I have fun when he's around. Though I know I cant really get him. For the fact that he has his girls and he doesnt really directly tell me that he wants me. He just "loves" me as he says he does. But ionno, maybe just as a friend? Although, he's a great guy. I love him like a lovable shit :)

The other guy is my DREAM GUY. Though I know I can't get him either. He has this perfect qualities I really like from a guy. Tall, dark, handsome, kind, gentleman, dreamy eyes, clean fingers, gorgeous smile, bigger than me, broad shoulders, huggable, etc. I really like how he looks and how he acts. Though sometimes he teases me ---- i like it! :)) Emphasizingly describing, he is really intelligent!!! I thought I was smart. People always copy my answers in class. I always correct people. Now I have found someone who will teach me. Someone I wanna learn something from. My dream guy! We do have a lot of similarities. It's too good to be true. Someone I really like and we have almost everything in common. Now that's what makes it too good to be true. I actually believe that opposites attract. But what about us! I want similarities to attract this time. This sucks. I do not love him. I just like him. Maybe I'm attracted to him just to be my very very valuable friend? Maybe?

Why do I love the guy which I think is more impossible to be with him rather than my dream guy? 
Life is really confusing. I want them both <3

At least someone to love as a substitute to my love towards a father.
I guess for now, someone can replace my love for my father.
Such a Jerk! That will soon to be replaced by someone.



Right now, though I've been engaging myself to playful relationships...
I actually want a serious one. Yet I'm too scared. 
Scared of hurting that person. Very emo yet it's true. I'm scared to hurt someone again :(



Life is Unfair.
It would be unfair if it will be fair. :)






Lots of problems,
theDaughter



 

I didn't greet theBegetter today. Ionno why. I dont have the guts for it. Though there's this feeling I should greet him, i didn't. I want him to feel that I really am very depressed with what he's doing in his life and to me and my sisters. He should be snobbed.

This is so stupid though. I can see that almost all of my relatives know what he's doing. And yet he doesnt admit or even talk to me and my sisters about it. This is crazy. What does that bitch have? A maid looking face? 

TheBegetter went to church today. My lil sister told him to do so. My lil sis said theBegetter was looking for me. To go to church with him. I wouldn't like to go with him alone. Though I imagined what would happen if I did join him? Would there be a miracle that he'll treat me as his lil girl again? Is there a possibility that he would finally admit his mistakes?

GAWD! It's hard if I remember his mistakes. I could just freak out and just go with my mom in heaven instead.

Well anyways, I spent "Father's Day" without him.

I was with my relatives in my mommy's side the whole afternoon. I wonder why theBegetter didn't come inspite that he was just here at home the whole time. He was even here before we went to visit my relatives. Dammit. He's too GUILTY!!!!!!



I just wanna say that I really do love theBegetter. Of course! He's my dad! Though what he did to my mom and the faults that he doesnt admit makes me furious. I don't actually get the point of breaking his vows to my mommy. His commitments to his children. Suckfest!



I really am waiting for him to change. Even if what he had done ruined and will ruin my life. I am still waiting for him to open up to me and my sisters. Pay for his faults. Leave that maid. And you know, care for me and my sisters once more. Our mother died. And it really would hurt if we lose our daddy as well. I hope and look forward to a Father. :(

All that is left is my sisters and I.

There would be my aunts, uncles, cousins, best friend, friends, etc right there beside me. But of course, your first degree family is what you yearn for the most. As we all know my mommy has already deceased. And on the other hand, my dad seems he doesn't exist yet leaves this mark that I will have forever. All I have now are my sisters.


When I was young, I used to fight them day after day. I get physical and emotional. We do cat fights, throw things at each other, curse each other, say mean things, etc. I thought I will NEVER get along with them. I thought God made a mistake in putting us 3 in the same family. But now that things have changed, parents aren't there. I've realized how important my sisters are to me.



Everything in the world might gang up on me. I might lose everything I want. Every tragedy might come pass by my life. But all that matters most is that I would be having my sisters beside me. We will overcome obstacles together. This bond that my mother created will last forever. And soon enough, the Tres Marias will reunite with the creator, the nurturer, the person who built the bond --- our Mommy.



Just a few hours ago my big sister and I fought. It's a no big deal fight but It does really affect me greatly.

I've been calling my big sister a lot of times. She kept snobbing me or giving me short answers. It sucks you know. I wanted a neat answer. I got jealous of my baby cousin. She's the only person my sister was entertaining. I got mad. I cried. Why cry for such a little thing? DAMN, MAN! My mommy's not here anymore. My effin dad is out (as usual) and doesn't really give time for me and my sisters. Where would I get the attention i greatly need? I dont have any boy friend. My best friend and I do bond but not as often as before. I dont have friends as caring, friendly, thoughtful as her. I need that attention. :(

So yeah, I cried. Unfortunately, that was my cousin's birthday party at home. I kinda ruined it. Sorry, man! I tried to stop the tears yet thoughts always came into my mind. Why leave me and my sisters parentless?! I'm just about to be 18, the legal age. My mommy didnt even get to see me turn into my legal age which I hoped that she would be in my 18th celebration even if she's bedridden or whatever!! And my daddy?! Fuck the shit. He has another girl. That fugly maid-looking mistress. What a shame to that bitch. I would bet I have a step sister or a brother. Mind me, but that's what i've been dead reckoning.

Back to the topic. I'm parentless! I have nobody to lean on except my 2 sisters. I trust them that they would be here for me and give me the attention. Likewise to what I will be giving them. It just made me sad that my sister was ignoring me.


Though, after I got to talk to my aunt on what happened with me and my big sis. I got to go back to the dining room and eat with my cousins. Some indirect comebacks were said. And when my sister get to say that I could hug her. WTF?! She should hug me! :( And yes, she did. :)

We were friends again. Though it really hurts that she, my sister, could ignore me.

Now I know how important and how much I love my sisters.

Dammit!! It took my mom's life and my dad's attention just to realize all that. Well at least now that "these situations" are going on in me and my sisters' life, we know that we, three, will always be together in every circumstance. We will stick to each other and never be apart. This is what will make us strong and maturely molded to face our lives out in the wild --- the friggin working stage! :|



The Realization:
I Dont Need theBegetter.
I NEED MY SISTERS !!! :)



Someday, I will make my sisters very very proud of me and very very happy with their lives.
I will work for them. Give them everything they want.
I will give them the things theBegetter didn't give them.
We, three, will work hand in hand to achieve my Mommy's dreams.



I MISS YOU, MOMMY!!!

Firstly, I was raised treated as daddy's little girl. My dad has been so good and supportive to me. I was really glad and happy he was chosen to be the father who will raise me up. He loved me. He loved that I was his lil athletic daughter. He loved how annoying I was. He even gave me what I wanted even he opposes to it. I saw his love to my mommy. Vise versa, I saw the BIG love my mommy had for him. I thought we, together with my 2 sisters, were the perfect family people would be envious about. I thought nothing would separate our family. I thought I was above all my friends who had those broken family problems. I thought my family and I will be with each other til the end of time. 

I guess what I thought was WRONG!

I wasnt facing reality. I was facing the Surreal Begetter!!! The fakeness! I guess it was all good to be true.

Happy were those days that I was looking up to him. He was a good speaker. I try to be like him as he faces the panel in reporting his project for work. I tried to be how smooth he is when he constructs his meaningful sentences. I idealize how a good father and good husband he was. I even dreamt of having a husband just like my daddy. But all those looking up to him stuff are all GONE. Nothing stays at this moment. Now I even see the OPPOSITE. I hope nothing like him appears in my life again. One is enough. And "one" being my father is too much!!


I wouldn't know how daughters would react if they'd realize that the man whom they're looking up to -- her father -- has played and cheated on his family?! Why would even anyone do that?! Is my mommy not enough for him? Am I not enough?!?! Is my sisters nothing for him?!?! My mom had such a big love for him. I've seen AND heard! 


All I did was to deny everything I've heard from people since I was young. My big sis told me that mom & dad were fighting. I didnt want to listen. I didnt want to believe. All I wanted to think that we were a perfect family and my parents were a perfect couple. I was so stubborn that I wanted to have this family and I was really blessed that I have a close and tight family compared to my friends who has their broken family. I was so selfish and stubborn.





My mom passed away just 3 months ago. I really miss her. I miss the way she does things. I miss how she cares for me. I miss how she handles things. I made a really BIG mistake in my life. I was scared to let her know. I was scared that she might get mad at me. I was scared that she might think that she raised up a bad bad child inspite of how a good mother she is. Well you know what, when she knew i got kicked out of my 4th year in high school (senior year), she didnt even raise a voice. Even if she was bed ridden that time I opened it up to her. All she said was she will always be there for me no matter what mistake i do. I hugged her, of course. As much as I wanted to hug her soo tight, I did what I can do. 

And now the surreal dad, all what we did to each other was to snob. Now I know why he didnt even lay a finger nor a word to me. He has the same fuckin fault that he wouldnt even want to admit until now. How dumb could he be?!?! What a father!!!!!!!




It just really sucks on how high was my expectations from him. My aunt told me he has a mistress. I didnt want to believe. I erased it in my thoughts and trusted my dad that he loves me, my mom and my sisters. I trusted and believed how caring he is as a husband and a father. NOW ALL THAT IS GONE!! I should've known he cheated on my mom. Even before she got sick. Even before my mom got sick of cancer. Even before my mom got bedridden. Even before my mom died. All those times he had a fuckin bastard a*hole bitch maid-faced mistress?!?! Go to hell!!!! I wanna kill that girl to hell!! I wanna do whatever I can just to make that fuckin bitch suffer more than how my mom suffered while living. With sickness or not, my mom suffered while being married to that guy i used to call "my father"! I wanna make that guy and that bitch feel how my mother suffered while she was alive.

I will stand up for my mom. 
I will have justice for her.
I will live up to her dreams.

I couldnt imagine how hard her sufferings were when she was living. She took all the sacrifice for this family. Whereas my so called "dad" shouldve been the one in her place. He shouldve been the one who studied nursing. He shouldve been the one who took all those stress. He shouldve been the one who did all the hardwork in getting those admissions for the nursing job. He should've been the one who tried to live with our relative in America. He shouldve been the one who sacrifice ALL that!!!!


What hurts the most is all these I knew after my mom died. I got the news after she died. I'm too late. I couldve done something. I couldve stood up for my mom. I couldve been a hardcore bitch towards that stupid Mfucker guy!!! I could've done something to have justice for my mom when she was still living. I could've helped her. I could've caught at least some of her sufferings while she was alive. I could've done something at least. I wish I have helped her do all those things my dad cant and wouldnt do for her.



Right now, i just wanna tear up our family portrait and leave me and my mom and my sisters behind. I wanna get the marriage photo and split it into half. I wouldn't like my mom to be with my "dad". i wouldnt wanna see the "bond" that made my mom closer to sufferings.


At least admit that he has a girlfriend and had her as her mistress.
But none. And right now, nothing can pay for those mistakes he has done.




I hope for an independent life for me and my sisters away from our dad.
I hope we could go away as far as possible.
I dont want him in my life anymore.
He has been doing nothing. 
Everybody's been supporting me and my sisters.
Of course, except my dad. He's doing NOTHING!



I guess you could call me FATHERLESS.
I am totally NOT motherless. My mom lives within me. I just dont know about that father. I wonder where the father when I was young is. I miss him. I guess that father died a couple of years ago. I miss how life was going back then.



This is what I can say for now.
Anger makes my head hurt.



Til next time,
TheDaughter